When I Was Your Girlfriend by Nikki Harmon

Author:Nikki Harmon [Harmon, Nikki]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Mt. Airy Girl Press
Published: 2016-01-05T23:00:00+00:00

~~~

Later in our suite, as we lay in our beds thinking our own thoughts, I couldn’t bear it any longer.

“You know Candace and I had our first sex on New Year’s Eve, remember?” I ask.

”Yes, of course, I remember. It was a big fucking deal!” she laughs.

“Do you think it was me? Do you think she was thinking of me and that’s why she left?” I ask.

“Of course,” says Viv.

“Why didn’t she come back home then—why didn’t she come for me?” I wonder aloud.

“Maybe she wasn’t ready to face you; maybe she needed to be alone. Think about it. She was with you through most of high school, then she was with Kevin through most of college, maybe she needed some space,” Viv mumbles, then yawns.

“Yeah, but where did she go?” I ask quietly. Vivian snores.

The rest of the weekend Viv and I hang out just like old times, eating soul food, window shopping in a mall, and walking through Spelman’s campus. I spend a lot of time thinking about Candace and imagining what her life was like down here. When I first found out about her long-term relationship with Kevin, I was jealous thinking that she had found happiness with someone else, a man no less. After his story of her abrupt departure, I worry that she’s unhappy and has been unhappy all along. I wonder if she’s living a miserable, closeted existence. I wonder if she regrets our relationship.

Saturday night, we find the gay girls club and go. Viv finds a few cute women to dance with, but I spend most of the night searching faces for Candace, wondering if she secretly knew any of these women or if she stayed away from women altogether. By the end of the night, I am exhausted and tired and no closer to Candace. In fact, I feel farther away.

Sunday evening, Viv and I are saying goodbye in the Newark Airport parking lot. Morgan came to pick her up. I look in the car and wave to her. I look back at Viv.

“Good luck,” I say.

“You too,” she says. We hug goodbye and she drives off with her doomed relationship. I find my car and drive back to Philly to my empty apartment.

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